Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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