My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
