My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
