Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
