Me. At least after what I've been through.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
