she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
