How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
