me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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