Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
