I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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