You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
