we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Those nachos came to me in a dream
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
