the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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