need another drink. this is the easiest way
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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