He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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