oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You dont lie about slip and slides
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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