Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I need a burrito and a hug.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
