I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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