i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
