i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
