ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
