I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
