Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
