White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
