Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
