Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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