his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
