Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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