i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
