I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
