just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Come on in and take your pants off
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