and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
