And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
