I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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