You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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