please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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