he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
