Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
