just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
