I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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