my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
