Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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