So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
