The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
