it was like eating out sand paper
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
