I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
