i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
