dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
