Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
