I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize