I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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