How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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