I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
