the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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