Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
