U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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