I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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