I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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