Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize