strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
