How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
