Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
