dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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