And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
