I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm both gender and math confused
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
