At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize