Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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