so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
