I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
