That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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