He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
