He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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