what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
