The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
